“You’re Probably Just Tired”
She tells you her head has been pounding since morning. You hand her water, tell her to rest, and go back to what you were doing. She tells you her feet are so swollen she can barely get her shoes on. You say it is normal you Googled it. She wakes you up at 2am because something feels wrong, she cannot explain it, she just knows. And you tell her she is overthinking.
Then the doctor calls it an emergency.
This is the moment so many partners look back on and wish they had listened. Not because they are bad people, but because nobody ever taught them that pregnancy symptoms are not just discomforts to be managed some of them are the body screaming for help.
So What Is the Real Question Here?
Here is what every partner needs to ask themselves honestly: Do I actually know the difference between a normal pregnancy symptom and a dangerous one or am I just guessing?
Most people are guessing. And for a Black woman, that guess can cost everything.
Pregnancy changes a woman’s body in ways that are difficult to describe and even harder to watch. Some of it is uncomfortable but safe. Some of it looks mild but is not. The problem is that when you do not know the difference, everything starts to seem like it is probably fine. And “probably fine” is a dangerous place to live when someone you love is pregnant.
Here is what you need to know.
At Mylurah we’re building a digital platform that centers Black women’s reproductive journeys, including culturally sensitive support for Period, Pregnancy and Postpartum. Because representation in care isn’t optional, it’s essential.
What Is Normal, What Is Not
Tiredness is normal. Growing a human being is exhausting work, and her body is doing the most even on a day she does nothing. Let her rest without guilt.
Nausea and vomiting in the first trimester? Common. But if she cannot keep water down, is losing weight, and feels faint that is hyperemesis gravidarum, and she needs medical attention, not crackers and sympathy. According to the FDA, if a pregnant woman is unable to drink for more than 8 hours or eat for more than 24 hours, she should seek medical care immediately. ¹ The Cleveland Clinic confirms that hyperemesis gravidarum can cause vomiting several times a day, leading to dangerous weight loss and dehydration that often requires IV fluids in hospital. ²
Swollen feet towards the end of pregnancy expected. But if the swelling is sudden, severe, and spreading to her face and hands, combined with a headache and blurred vision stop everything. According to the Mayo Clinic, sudden swelling, particularly in the face and hands, alongside persistent headaches and visual disturbances, are serious warning signs of preeclampsia that require immediate emergency attention. ³ The March of Dimes also notes that Black pregnant women are at a higher risk of developing preeclampsia than white women making it even more critical that you know what to look for. ⁴
Back pain is part of pregnancy. But sharp, one-sided pain that does not ease up is worth a call to her midwife or doctor, not a heat pad and sleep.
Feeling anxious or low is more common than people admit. Research published in Frontiers in Psychiatry found that up to 28% of Black women experience perinatal depression and Black mothers face a higher prevalence of perinatal mood disorders compared to national estimates. ⁵ The Policy Center for Maternal Mental Health further confirms that up to 20% of women experience maternal mental health disorders during pregnancy or postpartum, and Black women are especially vulnerable due to higher levels of lifetime trauma exposure. ⁶ If she tells you she does not feel like herself, believe her. That is not weakness. That is her trusting you with something hard.rd.
At MyLurah, we believe informed support can save lives. That’s why we create space for culturally sensitive conversations around pregnancy, postpartum, and reproductive health
Stop Normalising What She Is Feeling
Here is the truth nobody says out loud: partners dismiss pregnancy symptoms not because they do not care, but because they are uncomfortable with not being able to fix something. So they minimise it instead. She is fine. It is normal. Every pregnant woman feels this way.
But she is not every pregnant woman. She is yours. And she is talking to you because she trusts that you will take her seriously.
The next time she tells you something feels off, your job is not to diagnose her, and it is not to calm her down. Your job is to ask: “Do you want me to call the hospital?” And then actually make the call.
She knows her body. Your job is to believe her and act like it.
References
- FDA Office of Women’s Health — Hyperemesis Gravidarum: https://www.fda.gov/consumers/knowledge-and-news-women-owh-blog/beyond-morning-sickness-hyperemesis-gravidarum
- Cleveland Clinic — Hyperemesis Gravidarum: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/12232-hyperemesis-gravidarum
- Mayo Clinic — Preeclampsia Symptoms & Causes: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/preeclampsia/symptoms-causes/syc-20355745
- March of Dimes — Preeclampsia: https://www.marchofdimes.org/find-support/topics/pregnancy/preeclampsia
- Frontiers in Psychiatry — Black Perinatal Mental Health: https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.807235/full
- Policy Center for Maternal Mental Health — Black Maternal Mental Health Issue Brief: https://policycentermmh.org/black-maternal-mental-health-issue-brief/
