Her Body Is Not the Problem. Your Silence Is.
There is a particular kind of loneliness that comes from being in a room full of people or lying next to someone you love and still feeling completely unseen.
That is what she feels when you say nothing.
Not because you are cruel. But because you do not know what to say, you say nothing at all. And she reads that silence like a book. She fills it with every fear she already had about her changing body and she fills it with you agreeing.
This is the part of pregnancy nobody puts in the brochure.
The Question Worth Asking Yourself
If she asked you right now “Do you still see me the way you used to?” What would your face do before your mouth answered?
That face. That half-second. That is what she is watching for every single day.
A woman’s body during pregnancy is changing rapidly, often in ways she cannot fully control or predict. One morning her jeans fit her. Three weeks later they don’t. Her skin tells a new story every month. Her energy, her appetite, her reflection all of it in motion.
And Black women feel this in a way that goes beyond the physical.Many Black and African women grow up receiving messages about which bodies are considered worthy, beautiful, or acceptable. Pregnancy does not mute those messages. It turns the volume up. So when she looks in the mirror and feels uncertain, she is not just seeing today. She is seeing every moment she was made to feel like her body was too much or not enough.
What she needs from you is to drown all of that out.
At Mylurah we’re building a digital platform that centers Black women’s reproductive journeys, including culturally sensitive support for Period, Pregnancy and Postpartum. Because representation in care isn’t optional, it’s essential.
Small Things That Change Everything
Say her name like she is still the woman you chose. Not the pregnant version. Not the tired version. Her. Look at her across the room sometimes and just let her know without a big speech that you still see her.
Never make her body the punchline. Not even a gentle joke. Not even one, she laughs at. She is laughing to make you comfortable. File that one away and never open it again.
Ask her how she feels about her body and actually listen. Not to fix it. Not to reassure her before she has finished talking. Just to hear her. Most partners never ask this question once. The ones who do become unforgettable.
Get in the mirror with her. If she is standing there in silence, go stand beside her. Put your arm around her. Look at both of you together. Make it a moment of togetherness instead of a moment of judgement.
Protect her from outside noise. When a family member comments on her size, her eating, or her body, you say something. You do not laugh it off or stay quiet. You protect her. That is what partnership looks like.
At MyLurah community group, we believe no woman should navigate pregnancy or postpartum changes alone. Our community offers culturally sensitive support, you can take advantage of the platform and improve your chances of meeting people of like mind who are ready to listen to you and offer solutions anytime.
This Was Never About Awkwardness
The awkwardness you feel is just unfamiliarity. And unfamiliarity is cured by showing up anyway, imperfectly, consistently, with your whole chest.
She is not asking you to be a poet. She is asking you to be present. To choose her, in this body, in this season, on the hard days and the swollen-feet days and the crying-for-no-reason days.
Choose her. Out loud. Often.
