“Why Isn’t She Latching Yet?”
Breastfeeding is a unique bond between a newborn and him/her. It shouldn’t feel like pressure.
Three days into motherhood, Chidinma sat in a hospital chair, exhausted, as a nurse loomed over her, adjusting her baby’s mouth for the fifth time. “You have to get this right,” the nurse said.
No one asked how Chidinma was coping. No one asked if she was in pain. By the time she got home, breastfeeding didn’t feel like bonding, it felt like a test she was failing.
For many new mothers, breastfeeding isn’t just a feeding method. It becomes a measure of worth.
Why Pressure Backfires
Breastfeeding is widely promoted for its health benefits and rightly so. But research shows that when support turns into pressure, it can do real harm. Studies have found that women who feel intense pressure to breastfeed are more likely to experience guilt, shame, and self-blame, particularly when breastfeeding doesn’t go as planned [1].
This pressure doesn’t only come from healthcare workers, it also comes from partners, relatives, and social media, with some mothers reporting they initiated breastfeeding mainly to avoid being judged, rather than out of confidence in their choice [2].
The Emotional Cost of Judgment
When mothers are made to feel like failures rather than supported, the consequences are measurable:
- Higher rates of postnatal anxiety and depression. A structural analysis of nearly 900 mothers found that pressure to breastfeed and poor professional support increased anxiety and depression largely through the guilt and shame they triggered [3].
- Emotional withdrawal from support systems, as mothers manage their interactions carefully to avoid feeling judged, which can ironically reduce the effectiveness of the help available to them [4].
- Stigma for formula-feeding mothers, even when the decision was medically necessary or made for their own wellbeing [5].
At MyLurah, we believe every woman deserves to feel informed, supported, and understood throughout every stage of her reproductive journey. From navigating periods and understanding her body to preparing for pregnancy and adjusting to life after birth, we create a safe space for culturally informed education, meaningful conversations, and community support.
How to Offer Support That Actually Helps
Genuine support centres the mother’s experience, not a checklist.
Ask before advising. “How is feeding going for you?” opens a conversation; “You should really be doing X” closes one.
Normalise all feeding journeys. Breast, formula, or combination feeding each deserves respect, not ranking.
Offer practical help, like preparing meals or holding the baby so she can rest, rather than commentary on technique.
Watch your language. Phrases like “just relax” or “any mother can do this” can deepen shame rather than ease it.
Encourage professional support when needed lactation consultants and postnatal counsellors can offer skilled, judgement-free guidance [3].
Every Feeding Journey Deserves Compassion
Breastfeeding support should feel like a hand to hold, not a standard to meet.
When mothers are met with patience instead of pressure, they’re free to make choices rooted in what truly works for them and their baby, not the fear of judgement.
The most powerful thing you can offer a breastfeeding mother isn’t advice. It’s reassuring that she’s already doing enough.
References
- Regan, S., et al. (2024). Perceived pressure to breastfeed negatively impacts postpartum mental health outcomes over time. PMC. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11024305/
- Sheehan, A., et al. (2023). Associations between pressure to breastfeed and depressive, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive, and eating disorder symptoms among postpartum women. ScienceDirect. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165178123003827
- Jackson, L., Fallon, V., Harrold, J. A., & De Pascalis, L. (2024). Psychosocial predictors of post-natal anxiety and depression: pressure to breastfeed, guilt and shame. Maternal & Child Nutrition. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10750005/
- Fallon, V., et al. (2021). Self-conscious emotions and breastfeeding support: A focused synthesis of UK qualitative research. PMC. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8710115/
- Mayers, A., et al. (2024). Perceived Pressures and Mental Health of Breastfeeding Mothers: A Qualitative Descriptive Study. PMC. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC11394926/
